My Blog

The agony is over. I chose. I chose my boyfriend. I chose to make it work. But somehow i feel hurt, i know i did the right thing but why are my tears streaming down my face? Why do i feel lonely? Yet again im filled with a deep sense of being scared.

I did that for honesty, for the truth and for me to stay loyal to the one i love. I dont lie and i will not lie. But right now i wont lie that i feel bitter.

Kent i really wish it worked out, but i guess we just had the right love at the wrong time. As for my bonbon i love you and im sorry for ever straying away from the right path.

i dont know what to say anymore, all of a sudden my mind went blank..

i hope i did the right thing, no i know i did the right thing..

nyt guys..

You know what to say so that i wont stay mad at you. You know how to make me sad, you know how to make me happy and you know that. You know how weak i get when i see you smile, when i see you crying.

I cant stand how much i long for your kisses your hug i cant stand how much i need you. And im loving every single moment of it i love you so much. I hope it’ll last till the very end and im sorry for everything. Its just that i need you so much thats why ive been acting like this.

Its just scary for me that its almost christmas and that we wont see each other for a long time. I know people may think or you may think i may act too much at times it just shows how important you are to me. You’ve stolen my heart, made me weak, made me happy im all about you. I love you so much it drives me crazy.

I never want to see you sad ever again and that im sorry for having my mood swings. You know everything about me, and i will, soon enough know everything about  you. I love you.
 

Well its like 2am and i have class by 730 wake up by 6 hmm few hours of sleep left. I really like you i do but is it real? Sometimes its fun living in a reality that you think is real, that you think is fun to be in just cause everything you want is just right there. Are you real?  You tell me you’ll wait but why should you? By the looks of your friendster you havent been online lately, same with your significant other so i cant check on the comments. I turn crazy during the evening i guess that would call me a Lunatic, when all the things come rushing into my brain when all the doubts make doubts of their own.

Ireally dont want to think about it, but somehow it bothers me. Saying i love you, 3 very very powerful words, powerful enough to change ones’ life. Well the sad reality of free will is that we have the freedom to say what we want to say. Do what we want to do. Some people seem to be strong enough to use people, others? Cant even help themselves.

So my question for tonight is, are you real? Or are you just in it for the fun? I have major trust issues, i guess its a defense mechanism. Somehow i built it up to shield me, to protect me from the pain that i once felt. Geez for both our sakes, i hope were being honest to each other. Well i know im willing to risk every single bit of sanity i have for you. I just hope you’d do the same for me.

In a few days i’ll decide what i truly want. I really hope i’d be strong enough for it. God i hope this works. But somehow in the end i choose to be hurt rather than seing the person who loves me to be hurt. I know it may be a little melodramatic, but thats just me, im a giver, a pleaser, a martyr.

I just hope i can do the right thing.

I miss my carribean blue.I have my sunshine but i havent got you.Makes me wonder how some wrong things can feel soo right xD.

the air is cold but the people are starting to get warm.Makes me wonder why this happens only on Christmas.Cant people always be nice?I mean be naturally warm and pleasant?

Its funny how people can be hypocrites during specific times lolx.So many questions so few answers its just so sad.Well back to my title i just realized that its been ages since the last time i hit the beach.The warm beaches the refreshing air, well basically i just want to sleep by a cottage feeling the air.Im really not that in to the taking a long bath in the water i prefer reading in the beach its really relaxing.

Would it be wierd to hit the beach near christmas?I guess not cause we live in a tropical country hehe.Well my mind really is full of crappy things when im bored hehe.Thats all for now.

Currently enjoying : Prison Break ~:D Season 1

Scared of letting go.Scared of facing fears.Scared of feeling pain.

When can i gather the strength to decide.

Things happen for a reason.A quote from pop culture.Its really hard though to figure out why they happen in the first place and for what reason they happen.Perhaps to enlighten us?To educate us?Or simply to make us feel what its like?

Several questions like these have been lately filling my mind.Answers to each are yet to be found.I dont like being labeled emo or the like but it just seems that every now and then i get troubled by my emotions.

Though i hate to admit that i am weak, well im sure every one does.But it just seems that life has been more complicated to bare.Everyday putting up defences hoping somone would try to bridge the gap.Hoping that they would be strong enough to hold all the hidden skeletons in the clost.Hoping so hard it wont cave in.

Simply Put, im scared.

wala lang, i miss you guys na. i know i was there for just a short time but hey it was a lot of fun. sein your smiles aww gaan kaayo akong paminaw ad2. =’( i dont know but im so down ryt now. well only jp knows why. its sad coz i was living in a lie, a very long one too!

i mean yeah i did my share of bad things in my life but damn karma is cruel =’(. jp kabalo bya ka nga simple lang kaayo ang akong g pangita, i know i have almost evrything. *almost* oh well thats it for now.

people help me with my self esteem, im running out of optimism here guys T_T

just staring at you makes my mind wander
thinking how we could ever be. imagning a moment with your warm touch
floating in phantasms
i mpromised my love would be eternal, i kept it
hoping it could be how it used to be
missing you badly

its just sad iligan is just depressing me to my highest point yet..

here i go running away from my frustrations and i still wind up thinking..

then out of nowhere hale and cueshe starts playing the screwy songs making things even worst..

this may be a desperate cry or plea for help but its just sad to think…

sometimes i ask myself wtf have i done…

i screwed up a perfect life..

i hate myself..

you touched my skin
the skin you have such a hatred for
i wasted so much
kisses
love
and praise
on someone so fucked up
we both can’t take it back now
no matter how hard or fast you wish
there will always be some of me on you
and you on me
it’s goodbye now
let’s close this ongoing chapter
for i am sick of being hurt
i am sick of your shit
good bye my whore
it’s the end of you
and the begining of me
and everything else that matters

in school, it’s different, there’s a select few

im no fool, it’s evident, only a few respect you

seeing smiling faces, them walking in large groups

staring down at yah shoe laces, how low they gotta stoop

to even say hi, shit, you’re just walking by dew

you’re in 4 classes together and 3 she sits by you

you’re partners for in class projects, aint got no problem then

right when the bell rings, you’re out and it starts over again